Sometimes when folks turn their backs or walk away it doesn’t truly have anything to do with the one left behind, but rather an issue of their own that they are unable or unwilling to face. In my experience, the back turner was unable to move forward with anything that reminded him of “the past”, therefore wiped their slate clean so as not to face it. Unfortunately, wiping their slate clean involved leaving people behind. Fortunately, I’m better off without the responsibility of that person’s happiness or unhappiness. -I hope this helps.
🙂

It does help. I have always respected the way you have handled yourself in this situation. You go, girl! love from Uncle Steve

I thought this too !- It’s very bizarre that they scheduled those talks for Wednesday nights, since the most likely people to want to attend a talk about the Brahms requieum would probably be people who sing in a church choir (and most church choirs rehearse Wed nights!)
I’d be up for piano duets again sometime, if you’re interested…

Advice is blocking… Unsolicited advice…. Lalalala

So, I always take whatever appointments a doctor or therapist offers, even if it’s months away. I can always call and cancel it if I find someone else between now and then. Just a thought.

I called our tax guy yesterday morning to see where things stood with our taxes (that I sent him a number of weeks ago). He called back at around 5:00pm and confessed that, for reasons beyond his comprehension, he had received my tax return stuff, packaged it up quite nicely and filed it away. They have yet to start on it. But he assured me they’d get it done in the next day or two. He was terribly embarrassed and apologetic. I used to work with him as the Diocesan Auditor back in the 90’s so I know he’s not incompetent. I assured him that mistakes happen and not to worry about it. But I fear I may be scrambling at the last minute to get my taxes paid… Ah well… What’s a few dirty dishes among friends?

I read that article you linked about musicians needing silence, and thought it was fabulous.
I especially loved his line about things he avoids, that block his creativity, and he said, I don’t watch television! I’ve decided not to be embarrassed about the fact that I don’t usually watch TV or do social media. There is only so much time in the day, and that is one way I get my creative work done, by not distracting myself with things that sap my focus. It’s not a weird personality flaw, it’s a conscious creative choice!

Yes, the thoughts of Stephen Hough (whom I have never heard of before reading this interview) feel like a balance to so much nonsense I run across regarding how to be a musician in the 20th century (use of recordings, the death of classical music, and the use of the internet).

I don’t think your behavior toward media (social and tv) is weird. My experience is everybody is working their way through the labyrinth of exploding media these days and usually with their own take on what’s pertinent and what’s not. I am especially interested in how people are choosing to communicate. Do they text? Do they “instant message”? Land line? I shape the way I try to contact people to fit the person I am contacting. Fortunately. all my choir members seem to use email at this point. That’s helpful.

The sequestering of an artist in order to work on their art is a historical fact. No need to apologize. And a lot of people don’t have the family thing which can be enormously time consuming and important. You’re doing great!

I’m sending you a funny thing on facebook messenger about that Kimmy Schmidt show and a friend of mine who plays trombone (the one who played with Laurie Anderson and Kronos Quartet and all kinds of fancy).

Just wanted to say, (which I’m sure you know already, but sometimes it’s helpful to hear from someone else) that church choir rehearsal dynamic you relate here is a super common one, and not particular to you. In church choirs especially, members seem to feel absolutely free to chip in with their “advice” and ideas, undermining the director’s authority and the flow of the rehearsal. Annoying and not very helpful, but what can you do? My parents are in town this coming week, but want to do duets the following week?

I did not realize Sarah was pregnant until the photos you posted from Mother’s Day at Gma Hatch’s. For this reason, and some others, I still consider Facebooger a positive more than a negative. Congrats to you & Eileen on the upcoming arrival of your next grandchild!

Yes. I consulted with Sarah before posting those pics for that very reason, knowing that she hadn’t been talking about it on social media. She thought it was fine and okayed the pics.

And I agree with you heartily that Facebooger is a more positive than negative, at least it is in my life. Not only has it enabled me to stay in better touch with the Jenkins clan and my nieces and nephews (especially on the Hatch side), but I am connected to a host of musicians and writer that I admire and colleagues in music who post and talk intelligently about many subjects that interest me. Facebooger is kind of weird and bumpy, but I find it helpful.

I very much respect your love of music and pursuit of it’s deeper meaning and how it interacts with you and between others. I’ve lost a love of music long ago. I still respect it, but I truly don’t long to listen to it. I can drive 7 hours and never turn on the radio. There are still a few artists I enjoy – Bonnie Raitt for example – but mostly music is not essential for me. I don’t dislike it, but I don’t crave it either. Neutral. I have many friends that find this fascinating. Part has to do with my hearing and part is, I suspect, a rebellion from familial issues. Weird. Probably doesn’t help that I’m not musically talented, or remotely artistic. I enjoy reading your posts – it’s comforting to know someone that is compelled to it the way you are.

The other night my lap top did the same thing-trying to upgrade without my permission-I declined to have the upgrade installed-weird-peace

I am finding that the CPA side of the family has been very fair and most helpful (not to mention patient with my non-knowledge in this area). Yay for positive comments about family!!
🙂

Yes, it is a good group of people for sure. Thanks for reading and commenting!

I don’t need anything! … But I need this! … OMG! How can it still be so funny?

“I remember a conversation with Dad where he was disgusted at Cotton’s changing the ending to Dylan’s song: “The answer my friend is not blowin in the wind… the answer is in God and our trust in him” or some such nonsense.”

Actually I remember what Gene Cotton did with the song. It was: “The answer my friend, it’s NOT blowin’ in the wind. The answer is in the hearts of men.”

Didn’t remember Dad being bugged by this. But I sure remember thinking it was typical smarmy Christian bullshit sentimentalism. And I was probably all of 12 years old…

It would be a good idea to blow out the candles. Otherwise, I would recommend just leaving the lights on and walking out the door. It’s not your responsibility to close the building. But if you do it, they’ll let you.

I never opened or closed the building when I was at St. James. If the wardens, vestry or the altar guild (or sexton if he was still on the clock) didn’t do it., it didn’t happen. Not my circus. Not my monkeys.

Your curates need to grow the fuck up.

Just sayin’.

And how did the curate conduct a wedding rehearsal without mentioning what time people should arrive? That’s always, always, always, one of the last thing one says: “So, be here by X:XX PM.” If s/he had said that, the time screwup would have been caught. Of course, the wedding party never gets there when told. That’s why you always tell them to arrive 30 minutes before you want them there.

Sounds like these curates are going to be a real “gift” to the wider church.

Sorry the shrink thing didn’t work for you.

Enneagrams… yikes. At least with Meyers Briggs there seems to be some possibility of gaining a little insight into the way one relates to the world. I’ve never found enneagrams to be of any real use. Too one dimensional.

Richard Rohr is a religious type. A lot of churchy type people seem to like him. I tried reading his stuff years ago and found it pretty boring. Progressive Roman Catholics often love him.

This shrink sounds like she put you into a religious mold without really listening to you. But what do I know?

Oh, and I think you’re not likely to find many therapists who know who Ed Friedman was. His notoriety seems to be limited to those organizations with which he worked while he was still alive: Church being one of them.

The only therapist I ever met who recognized him and had read him was the step-sister of Jim Kelsey, the now deceased Bishop of Northern Michigan. And, in addition to her PhD in Theology and Psychology from Yale and her M.S. in Marriage and Family Therapist, Anne also had an MDiv from General. So Friedman was someone she had read. And went back to reread after she and I started working together. Anne was a good therapist and I enjoyed the year we worked together. She retired at the same time as I did in order to work on editing a book by one of Jung’s early followers.