This morning I see Dr. Birky for the first time at 10 AM. It’s around 7:30 AM right now and I have done my usual cleaning of the kitchen, making coffee, Greek study and a bit of Shakespeare read out loud.  I am preparing for my first meeting with this guy more than I did for the one with Lynne Wright. Ms. Wright asked me for the birth years of my children and wife. I thought a genogram would easily show this info. I remembered doing an extensive 6 generation one back when I was taking a course in family systems for church workers. Lo and behold I found it. I will take it with me but not necessarily show it to Dr. Birky unless he’s interested.

Looking over my notes for the family system course reminds me that I have done a lot of work on myself over the years. I think of my many songs that I have written in the folk rock style and suspect strongly that they represent some sort of therapeutic activity. Probably more therapeutic than anything else since despite the feelings of my friend Jonathon Fegel I’m pretty sure they have no commercial potential. Artistic? Another question but one that doesn’t interest me that much at this stage.

What does interest me is they have helped me cope over the years, even grow a bit. In addition to this I realize that I have been driven to seek ways to improve myself, my personality, and my behavior over and over. I could easily make a list of my strengths, weaknesses, flaws, and attributes I am proud of.

I see it as self obsession and self improvement, a bit of pathology and also attempts at self awareness. As I think about what I’m going to talk to Dr. Birky about I’m trying to come with an outcome that these kinds of dudes look for. “What will it look like at the end of therapy if we can achieve your goals?” The best I can do here is to hazard that I might be more self aware of my own growing edges. But we’ll see what I say to Dr. Birky. I need to stop because I have several tasks to perform before I leave for my day.