Today Eileen drove me to the lab to pee in a cup. She waited in the car. When I returned she asked if I had my hearing aides. I sometimes drop them when I have a mask and glasses on. This means I have three things wrapping around my ears and sometimes one of my hearing aids slips off. I had to tell her that I only had my left hearing aid. So we scoured the area. I went back in and talked to the receptionist and back tracked my movements. Uh oh. Nothing. I left them my name and number but was not optimistic I was going to see my right hearing aid again.

I little bit ago I had a call from that receptionist. Someone had turned in my hearing aid.

I knew a Felician nun who always told me that God takes care of fools. This could be the theme of life.

I had an excellent session with Dr. Birky earlier. He is such a good therapist for me.

I won’t hear back from the lab or Dr. Fuentes for a while. I am still shaky and having chills. At this point it’s hard to distinguish between emotional exhaustion and physical symptoms. At any rate I am trying to take it easy.

This is helped by the books Eileen picked up for me from Readers World. Mendelssohn and Emily Dickinson are excellent companions as I rest and the two books I have are extremely readable and engaging.

Margaret Atwood: Your Feelings Are No Excuse – The Atlantic

Atwood received the Christopher Hitchens award last night. This is her acceptance speech.

I drop off pee tomorrow. I don’t know what I hope for except for more life. Fortunately I am not in pain, but I do fear that whatever is wrong with me might eventually kill me. I am shaky this morning. I am gradually returning to my former routine of getting up early. I had been sleeping in but for the last few days I find myself getting up earlier.

I even beat Elizabeth this morning. Sometimes when she and Alex visit she has coffee ready. I like that but she taught her last art class last night so won’t be visiting on a regular basis any more. I know that she didn’t want to continue doing this due to the suffocating Jesus stuff that permeates this area and her fellow teachers. I don’t blame her.

My reading has been teaching me how wide spread the influence of bad Calvinism has been in the history of the country much less this little corner of it. It’s bothersome in that I share Elizabeth’s distaste but it’s kind of cool because I do have an understanding of Christianity and it helps me understand the current crazy world I live in.

David seems furious with me for refusing his calls. For my part it reminds me of Friedman’s rope story. But who knows? We all do the best we can. I will reach out to him eventually but it will involve some discussion of his alcohol addiction which is something we have never talked about. Apparently he doesn’t talk about it with his estranged wife Cynthia either. This seems like it might be part of the denial of addiction but I’m admittedly in over my head.

Tomorrow is my scheduled session with my therapist. I guess we’ll have some shit to talk about, eh?

I don’t let my weakness stop my reading. I have a couple books waiting for me at Readers World. Eileen said she would go pick them up for me today but we’ll see. I could do it myself since I think I could muster the will and strength to do it. But Eileen doesn’t mind.

One new biography each on Felix and Fanny Mendelssohn by R. Larry Todd and a book of Emily Dickson’s poetry “As She Preserved them.” Cool.