I had a bit of an anxiety nightmare last night. I was teaching a choir class (the only person I recognized in the class was a guy who has his doctorate from U of M that I follow on Facebook). Anyway, we were working from a little magazine of music. I had in mind a clever vocalise to take the class through. But I couldn’t find the page number. The class waited and waited for me and then finally tried unsuccessfully to sing it without my help. I asked if someone could loan me their music. I had a strategy in mind to teach the vocalise which was based on a complicated Estonian type melody. I looked up and it was time for the class to end. I dismissed them with an apology.

Then I woke up.

What was that about, I wondered. I was still annoyed. Then it occurred to me. That I was leading people and I wasn’t on the same page they were. This is a common occurrence in my life, not being on the same page as other people. After I figured that out I wasn’t so annoyed. After all it’s how I live.

I think I need some time off.

I have been experience fatigue ever since this past Sunday even though I’m getting plenty of rest and relaxation. I have a stack of books I want to read this summer including Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Heale Hurston.

I had a six month appointment with my cancer surgeon’s office Monday and i took Hurston along. I was excited to discover that Henry Louis Gates, Jr. wrote the introduction to it. I have been reading his Stony The Road: Reconstruction, White Supremacy, and The Rise of Jim Crow. 

You probably recognize his name. He’s the Harvard Prof who got arrested for being black while trying to break into his own house.

I only realized recently that he teaches and writes books about the history of African Americans.

I’m also finishing up the English translation of Erpenbeck’s Go, Went, Gone. Julia Alvarez mentioned this book back in her April By The Book NYT interview.

Alvarez cites it as the last great book she has read and says this:

‘My reading friends are worn out with hearing me extol Jenny Erpenbeck’s “Go, Went, Gone,” a stunning novel about a retired classics professor who slowly becomes conscientizado — I love the word in Spanish — aware and involved in the plight of refugees from Africa camping out in a square in Berlin. The novel is lyrical, absorbing, so accurate as to the ways we resist engagement and then are pulled in.’

I am finding it an absorbing read. I have about 70 pages out of 286 left to go. It’s a library book that I need to return before my California flight next Tuesday.

I’ve got a ton of tasks before this evening’s rehearsal. I am definitely going out with a bang this year. Yesterday I chose hymns through August and emailed them to my subs and the office. My biggest task left before Sunday is writing witty, intelligent, and informative program notes for the recital Sunday.

I’m not feeling particularly witty, intelligent, or informative right now.

I’m lazing around this morning trying to conserve my waning energy. This afternoon I need to move my piano and harpsichord around at church and then tune the dang harpsichord. The piano tuner is coming tomorrow to tune our lousy piano.

I am meeting one of my two soprano soloists at 6 PM before choir tonight. She is singing a Handel aria with strings and harpsichord. After choir I am meeting with the other soprano who is singing a lovely little lied by Fanny Mendelssohn Sunday.

We are bringing my grand daughter Savannah back with us from California for a visit. That should be fun.

I actually can’t conceive of having time off right now much less having fun but I’m sure it’s in the works.

What page are we on?