Last night was a difficult rehearsal for me. I think I pulled it off okay but I was unable to get a good over all sound from the choir. This frustrates me because usually I can. Typically every rehearsal has some bad behavior coming at me from the choir.  The societal Christmas season and the impending Trump presidency seem to have made it more complicated.People have trouble concentrating. Reactivity is a bit up. I did my best but it took a lot out of me, campers. Slept badly.

At staff yesterday I talked, probably too much.Again anxiety is high. Jen is our non anxious presence which is a godsend. But in addition to everything mentioned above, two of our staff members have family members who are ill. Actually I should say three and count myself  despite not having mentioned it in the meeting.

I sheepishly report that I told the staff that I disapprove of Micheal Moore’s approach to his movies and public statements. I also somehow got entangled in a discussion of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. When our pastoral associate mentioned that at the clergy meeting there was a lot of talk about Bonhoeffer and his plot to assassinate Hitler, I said that in my opinion we needed more of the Bonhoeffer of The Cost of Discipleship than Letters from Prison.

My atheist stance slipped a bit here and I talked about Bonhoeffer’s ideas of “costly grace” and “cheap grace.” Later Eileen asked me to explain this when I reported that I talked too much at staff. The way I understand it (and remember my faith is weak and my brain is Thursday morning muddled), Bonhoeffer was talking to German Lutherans about the idea that the grace of God is not earned, admittedly, but to stop trying to live in the Grace of God and assume that your salvation (whatever the fuck that is) is assured by grace is insufficient. I think this is what he meant by “cheap grace.” But I’ll let him speak for himself.  Here is the beginning of The Cost of Discipleship.

Cheap grace is the deadly enemy of our Church. We are fighting today for costly grace. Cheap grace means grace sold on the market like cheapjacks’ wares. The sacraments, the forgiveness of sin, and the consolations of religion are thrown away at cut prices. Grace is represented as the Church’s inexhaustible treasury, from which she showers blessings with generous hands, without asking questions or fixing limits. Grace without price; grace without cost! The essence of grace, we suppose, is that the account has been paid in advance; and, because it has been paid, everything can be had for nothing….

I remarked to the staff that Facelessbook is an example of “cheap grace.”

“Costly grace” is, for me, more related to the whole “cost of discipleship” idea. I went upstairs and pulled out my books by Bonhoeffer. Here is a section I had marked which I think points towards my understanding of “costly grace.”

The path of discipleship is narrow, and it is fatally easy to miss one’s way and stray from the path, even after years of discipleship. And it is hard to find. On either side of the narrow path deep chasms yawn. To be called to a life of extraordinary quality, to live up to it, and yet be unconscious of it is indeed a narrow way.

Egads. It seems that I am now preaching in my blog. Forgive me dear reader. But I think Bonhoeffer might be helpful even to an old agnostic like me in the coming years. “To be called to a life of extraordinary quality… and yet to be unconscious of it.” I like that a lot.

Hasselback Eggplant with Garlic-Yogurt Sauce – Cook’s Science

So I got up exhausted and a bit melancholy. I decided to make this recipe. The first step was to make pomegranate molasses which is simple: 4 C pomegranate juice, 1 T fresh lemon juice, 1/2 C sugar. Reduce over heat for about 70 minutes.

Then slice up the eggplant. The recipe has the excellent idea of laying down a chop stick on each side of a half egg plant and then slice. The chop stick stops you from cutting all the way through the eggplant.

Then toast some walnuts. I didn’t have enough so I added some sunflower seeds.

Then put hot peppers, bread crumbs, pomegranate molasses, green onions, cumin, hot peppers, cayenne pepper, lemon juice, olive oil and salt into the blender and make a paste.

Then spread on the cut eggplant and bake.

Here’s what it looks like just out of the oven.

You can see that the eggplant is still not terribly cooked, but it was time to get that topping out of the oven. I put tin foil over it for the last ten minutes. Eileen pointed out that I could always zap it to cook it more with burning the topping. I’m not sure she will try it, but she is interested to watch me make weird food.