It has been over a month since I started drinking fake fin in my nightly martini. This is working. Blood pressure is low and my weight is slowly falling.

After church yesterday, Eileen and I were both weirdly exhausted. We remained so for most of the afternoon and evening. I attribute this to the difficult exit I am experiencing at Grace. As I said yesterday attendance was low.

After we got home Eileen remarked that though I am retiring I am having to work a bit harder than usual. This is odd but she is probably reflecting the toll taken on me by the waffling and weirdness as I make for the exit.

As per usual the very people who are exerting unhealthy pressure on shaping my behavior did not attend Eucharist yesterday. Their absence may have weight on me more than usual as I attempted to lead a small group of non singers through the liturgy.

Eileen and I binged watched The Sinner. This is very unusual for us but it seemed to be the ticket yesterday. I like Bill Pullman but that was a bit silly.

Toward evening I began to feel more like myself. We are very lucky to have AC since it was miserable all day.

Early this morning I read a disturbing article on my phone in the New York Times app. It was about health workers on Staten Island protesting about mandatory measures around Covid. Here’s a link. My best guess is their weirdness is a combination of Republican nonsense and anecdotal perception. One worker had a reaction to her vaccination. It was not life threatening, but I wonder how many of her fellow workers were influenced. Also another worker would not believe that most of their cases were  from the unvaccinated even though the count showed they were.

Shame and blame make me crazy and drive shit like this. But we do live in a weird time.

I am having second thoughts about leaving my marimba and congas at church after I retire.

The reason is that I like the sound of these instruments and could conceivably want to use them again. Poor Eileen. She’s still asleep but I’m already making plans that will affect her.

This morning I spent my routine listening to Vaughan Williams.

First i started out with my beloved Oboe Concerto. This made me realize that I also don’t want to leave scores at the church that I may want to study in retirement. The Vaughan Williams is one of them. I have a complete miniature score at work. That’s coming home.

Then I discovered two new pieces by Vaughan Williams. His “Flos Campi ” for viola, small orchestra and chorus. The chorus doesn’t sing words thankfully. This is beautiful. Then on the recording I was listening to it went on to his Piano Concerto.

Hmmm. I must just be in the mood.